When Your Child is Different - You Feel Different Too

I haven't posted this past week because I've gone through a bit of a rough spot with being a mom. It's not that I'm new to being a mom. My oldest is almost 22 years old but one thing I've never quite come to terms with - being able to acknowledge when something needs to change with a child and accepting your child as they are. So many times my oldest would say to me - "Why can't you just accept that I'm this way? Why do you want to change me?"

Now, my Josiah doesn't talk that way but I grapple with this every day. Why does it bother me so much when he yells when he talks or melts down into a screaming puddle in the grocery store? Being told I should simply accept my child as they are... implies I don't want him or her to be any different than they are. I love all of them and those children that "need" more of me often get MORE of me. Yet, when they want to stay up all night, sleep instead of go to school or scream at me because I said "just a minute" - I know that I can merely accept the child as a person I love dearly but do not see them having successful relationships or achieving their dreams if simply let them BE however they want to be.

I know - I'm rambling.

I know - as a mom, loving acceptance is the measuring stick for great "momness" but these last couple weeks have not been easy for me to stay in that accepting mommy zone.

I've had to explain what this genetic disorder is way to many people while struggling with my own daily grief. My grief? That friendships, learning, family gatherings and every day stuff is simply HARD when a child is resistant, rough, loud or withdrawn, impulsive and destructive.

My six year old's mish mosh of "symtpoms" that look like hyperactivity, autism, defiance and obsessive-compulsive disorder all rolled into one makes my days chaotic at times. Then he has a younger brother that has learned that screaming, crying, hitting, throwing are just what you do when you want something or don't want something.

Then there is medication. We met with the child psychiatrist today for the first time since moving here. Since Josiah has always been a poor sleeper - difficulty falling asleep and waking often during the night, she recommended we get a handle on his sleep problems first. She also pointed out that she believes anxiety could be why he reacts so strongly to outings, activities with other people and playing with other kids.

I'm going to to be researching some of the medications she talked about and we have another appointment in a week. After trying Ritalin, then Concerta and now, the Focalin XR - I'm convinced that the Focalin has been the most beneficial to helping Josiah focus enough to "learn" what he needs to learn to be safer and be around other people.

That's the goal - being able to Be. Be a mom and enjoy your child while your child enjoys being a Kid!

Tam